COMIC RELIEF: The Expandable Couch
by Silver Ice
Summary: Hello good friends, the 3rd chapter has come, though i see no one is aware of the 2nd. Well 3 chapters of everlasting romance sighs dramaticly Lot's of people, romance, and humor hopefully.The dorms are cleaned, flowers delivered, and love is found.
1. Ron and Hermione

Author's Note: Hey, if you thought my other fics were lame, this one is FUNNY! I'm not lying, I think it's my best one yet. REALLY, this one is kewl.  
  
  
FOR YOUR COMIC RELIEF...  
THE EXPANDABLE COUCH  
  
  
"Alright, that concludes today's lesson, everyone keep in mind that only Hermione got her egg to turn into a quaffle. That reminds me; Hermione, I need to talk with you." McGonagall said, as her Transfiguration class cleared out of the room.  
  
"Hermione, do you think you could find a different place to stay? Your bed -- well let's just say it can't be slept in tonight."  
  
"Well, yeah, I'm sure I can," Hermione said, looking confused, "But why can't I stay in my own bed?"  
  
"You'll find out, um...maybe tomorrow," McGonagall said, looking a bit nervous.  
  
Hermione left the classroom and joined Ron and Harry.   
  
"Weird, wonder why you can't go in your dorm," Harry said after Hermione explained what McGonagall had told her.  
  
"Oh well, anyway, I have to go to Arithmancy. I'll see you guys."  
  
Ron and Harry went up to Divination, while Hermione headed toward to her Arithmancy class.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"I hate Potions! It's so...so..."  
  
"Incredibly stupid and a waste of time," Ron said, finishing Harry's sentence as they sat down for dinner.  
  
"Exactly! Why does Snape have to be a teacher?"  
  
"It could be worse," Ron said, "He could be a marriage counselor or a talk show host. See how well that suits him."  
  
The plates cleared, and students headed up to their dorms, but it was halfway up the stairs when Hermione stopped, knocking Ron down.  
  
"Well, where am I supposed to sleep?" She asked Ron.  
  
"How about the couch in the common room?"  
  
Hermione stared at Ron, looked over to the couch, and then back at Ron. "But it's so small. Not to be selfish, but it's just not going to work."  
  
"Well it is expandible, you know," Ron said.  
  
"Oh really? I never knew that!"  
  
"Oh sorry! My mistake, it isn't in Hogwarts, A History, so you couldn't know about it."  
  
"Ha ha ha, very funny," Hermione said, sarcastically. "How do you do it?"  
  
Ron took out his wand and pointed it to the side of the couch. "Hankis Pankis," he yelled, and suddenly it sprung out and became a large bed. "There you go, well then, goodnight."  
  
"Umm...Ron? I don't want to stay here by myself!"  
  
"Okay, then I'll stay with you. Would that make you feel better? Jeez, are you scared?"  
  
"No, I'm not scared. But would you?"  
  
Hermione set up her pillows and got covered up in the blankets. Ron followed suite and soon both of them had fallen fast asleep.  
  
"MR. WEASLEY! MISS GRANGER! WAKE UP!"  
  
Ron jolted up and looked around. He soon came face to face with an extremely angry, red faced Professor McGonagall.  
  
"EXPLAIN!" McGonagall ordered.  
  
"It's not what it looks like, Professor!" Hermione said, inching away from Ron.  
  
"You know, Mr. Weasley, we do have boys' dorms and girls' dorms for a reason, why are you here?"   
  
"Well, I thought I should stay with Hermione, since she couldn't have her bed and all," Ron said, looking to Hermione for support.  
  
"Ah, but you must have forgotten all about your own bed! And I want to know why the couch is expanded! It's strictly for the professors' usage, and students shouldn't be toying with it!"  
  
"Getting it on with Snape in here," Ron muttered under his breath, but it was too late to do anything; McGonagall had heard Ron and turned a slight pink.  
  
"What did you say?" McGonagall asked, looking furious, "Five points from Gryffindor! I've never heard such foul talk!"  
  
Ron looked shocked. "But Gryffindor is your house!"  
  
"Do you want me to make it another ten?"  
  
"Er..no professor," Ron said quickly.  
  
"Now, Miss Granger, you've got a good reason to stay, so you may, but Mr. Weasley --"  
  
"I know, I know, my bed's fine so I can go upstairs and sleep there," Ron broke in, "Well then, g'night!" Ron dashed up to the boys' dorms, not wanting to lose any more points.  
  
"I didn't expect this from you, Hermione," McGonagall said, a bit quieter than she was talking before.  
  
"I didn't think it was safe, so I asked him to stay, and I'm really, really sorry. It will not happen again, I promise." Hermione said, trying to sound responsible.  
  
"It most certainly will not! Now get some sleep."  
  
"Professor, what exactly are you doing in here? I mean, if you don't mind my asking."  
  
"Oh, nothing really," McGonagall said, blushing, "Just came up to see where you were sleeping. I bet that Fred and George are the ones who got the couch to expand. Those two have found out way too many things around here."   
  
Hermione giggled as McGonagall left. Hermione soon fell into a deep slumber, and didn't even notice it when McGonagall sneaked up into the girls' dorms.  
  
The next morning the Ron, Harry and Hermione went downstairs.  
  
"So you made the couch expand, Ron?" Fred and George asked their brother.  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Good job! That means you've learned something valuable from the two of us!"  
  
"What's the couch expandible for?" Harry asked, suddenly interested.  
  
"For McGonagall and Snape," Ron answered, matter-of-factly.  
  
"Ron! What are you saying?!"  
  
"Well, Hermione, don't tell me you haven't noticed all the little gifts on Snape's desk!"  
  
Hermione clapped a hand to her forehead. "What?! Oh my god, you're serious, he does have little things from a woman on his desk! Wait, maybe it's someone else!"  
  
Ron shook his head sadly.  
  
"That's awful!" Hermione shouted, "How could that possibly be? I mean, they HATE each other, don't they?"  
  
"Well, we hated each other at first, didn't we?"  
  
"Miss Granger, your room is fine for tonight," McGonagall said, turning to leave.  
  
"What was wrong with it? The room? My bed?" Hermione asked, as McGonagall faced her.  
  
"Oh...well, we just had to do a clean up. Nothing really."  
  
"But it was clean already, why clean it again?"  
  
"We have our reasons," McGonagall said sharply. "See you in class." She muttered as she walked off.  
  
"Hey you guys! Did you know Snape was with McGonagall in our dorms?" Parvati asked asked, coming up to the trio.  
  
"We were wondering why we had to find other places to sleep, so we spied. And they were actually being nice and mushy and EWW!" Lavender added in.  
  
"Yeah, Lav, good thing we left when we did!"  
  
"TOLD YOU SO!" Ron said turning to Hermione.  
  
  
AND THAT'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED!  
  
Author's Note: Sorry, this was for humor's sake only. I'm not trying to offend anyone with that whole McG/Snape thing, so don't be offended!  
  
  



	2. Snape get's Some

A/N: Awww...I hope all ya all like this one cause it is the snow! Tis bout a certain favorite somebody, that's right, Snape! And McGonagall, and Ron and Hermione but there's no stinky Harry, j/k :)...well if you really WANT to know what happens read.  
  
To previous CR readers: Karkaroff doesn't die in here, I know what you're thinking it's a miracle!  
  
Expandable Couch  
Chapter 2 ~ Snape gets Some ;)  
  
"A rose? This is really getting sickening," Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione. He was looking at Professor Snapes desk, which looked far too colourful compared to its bleak black surroundings.  
  
"I still can't believe it, I just can't! Professor Snape...Professor McGonagall they-," but Hermione didn't finish her sentence, she was far too frustrated to think straight. Soon enough the potions class was over, and all the students climbed up for dinner. Ron, Harry, and Hermione had to clean the cauldrons before leaving, and on their way up they over heard Snape talking to someone. They hid quickly behind the nearest statue and listened intently.  
  
"Minerva how I have missed you so, but at last we meet once more," Snape said, his eyes filled with love.  
  
"Severus it has been long...too long, why we must do something tonight!" McGonagalls voice echoed through the trio's minds.  
  
"Do you not have the couch in the Gryffindor common room we could use? Why it will be just the two of us, alone, all alone," Snape said giving McGonagall a passionate kiss.  
  
"Tonight, at one, I'll be waiting," McGonagall said in a seductive voice. The two then parted.  
  
"That is- it's just- well it's perfect!" Ron exclaimed smiling excitedly.  
  
"What do you mean? It's PERFECT? Are you mad, it's horrid," Hermione shrieked.  
  
"No Hermione, Ron's right, this is perfect...what if we get good uh footage? Black mail service for us," Harry said logically in complete understanding.  
  
"Ron you don't mean...spy on them?" Hermione inquired in shock, and yet interest as well.  
  
"Yeah, it'll be awesome, we can get Parvati and Lavender to help us with this. The whole school will know if they try to mark us down," Ron said in joyous amusement.  
  
"Will I guess you can make it look like an accident, and Snape deserves the torture, but what about Professor McGonagall? She is the head of our house you know, I don't think black mail will work on her," Hermione explained her face looking very undecided.   
  
"Wait! We could say Snape was coming onto McGonagall and she was telling him to go away," Harry said as they reached the Great Hall.  
  
"We'll talk later," Ron said sitting at a seat, and soon Harry and Ron were talking about Quidditch, and Hermione and Ginny were whispering silently. The all ate their last peaceful dinner.  
  
******  
  
"Okay, now at 12:66 we will all meet under the cloak, listen in, and when it's time we'll get Parvati and Lavender," Ron said ticking off the instructions for the four participants, who were all listening intently.  
  
"All right lets go and get ready," Parvati said in an excited voice. Her and Lavender went to their dorm and Hermione hid under the cloak in-between two bookshelves. The common room emptied quickly and Hermione saw McGonagall peek in, smile, and leave again. It was time, Harry and Ron soon came out and joined Hermione beneath the cloak. The minutes ticked by, and at long last Snape, and McGonagall entered quietly walking to the couch.  
  
"Hankis Pankis," Snape said smiling slyly as the couch became a large bed.  
  
"How has it been with you darling?" McGonagall asked, hugging Snape and then pinning him to the bed, as it now was.  
  
"It has been the usual, except that Malfoy has become so annoying, all for the better, when I'm angry I think of you, and I have been thinking a lot," Snape said once again kissing McGonagall.  
  
"Oh no please wake me up," Hermione muttered.  
  
"He doesn't like him. Snape doesn't like Malfoy! I believe in miracles!" Ron exclaimed. Within thirty minutes the three knew quite a few thing s including Ron being Snapes favorite student, and that he was to become the new Gryffindor Keeper when the Quidditch season began, he was thrilled at this news.  
  
Soon enough it was time to get Parvati, and Lavender. Ron blew on the whistle in his hand and in the girls dorm the identical whistle on the table beeped. Hermione's charm had worked.  
  
"Come on, we have to go," Parvati whispered to Lavender.  
  
"All right, everything ready," Lavender asked. Parvati nodded quickly, "Okay 1...2...3!" Lavender whispered. They looked at each other and began to scream. They ran out of their room yelling 'crabs! Help us, helpppp!'  
  
McGonagall and Snape had heard the scream and ran out of the common room quickly, the couch folding its self back up again without anyone on it. When the two were standing in the corridors they sighed in relief. Snape kissed McGonagall once last time muttering a, not tonight, before he left for his office. McGonagall stood still for a while before running back into the common room.  
  
"What's happened, what's this commotion all about?" She hollered over screams. The Gryffindors were all hanging over the banister in confusion, the trio included, Harry had tucked away his cloak in the midst of all the motion, and Ron had put the camera he had leant from Collin away. Though McGonagall tried to calm everyone down it was to no avail, they were all to hyper up to listen to anything she said. At last she gave up and helped Parvati and Lavender remove the crabs from their beds. The rest of the morning was wild. A seventh year had brought a bewitched radio and everyone had a great time until 7:30 when they went to breakfast.  
  
******  
  
"That was so cool! I can't believe what happened! We got so much footage, and so much information, and we even had a killer morning!" Ron exclaimed yawning as he ate his bacon.  
  
"I'm so tierd. How will I e-e-*yawn* ever get through all our classes?" Hermione said once again yawning widely.  
  
"How will we manage Snape? Earlier today he was giving me that good old 'I'm gonna kill you' look," Harry said finishing his pancake.  
  
"We'll have a greattt time with Malfoy right now," Ron pointed out as Malfoy walked to them with Crabbe and Goyle on either side of him.  
  
"So we've heard that you were the ones that framed Snape," Malfoy said as he reached the three of them.  
  
"No, why would we frame Snape?" Harry asked innocently.  
  
"He's right we don't frame people," Ron said backing Harry up.  
  
"Why, the truth is just that; the truth. Snape was the one who did all of the 'framing' as you put it, if you must know he was the one that framed McGonagall and you're here because you just can't admit it to yourself," Hermione said in her old know it all voice. Malfoy looked confused for a moment but quickly came back to his senses and glared at Hermione angrily. He looked as though he wanted to rebel, but instead walked away at the sight of Professor McGonagall coming toward all of them. She reached them shortly after looking very suspicious and very angry.  
  
"Now what was that all about?" She asked frowning down at the three of them.  
  
"Nothing at all, everything's perfectly fine," Harry replied smiling brightly.  
  
"Mr. Weasley what is the matter with you? You look ridiculous!" McGonagall exclaimed. She had the right to. Ron was looking at Hermione in shock, amazed at the effect she had on Malfoy, his eyes open as well as his mouth. He looked hilarious.  
  
"Nothing, I'm just a little tierd that's all," Ron replied quickly shutting his mouth.  
  
"Very well, finish breakfast and get to your classes," McGonagall said walking back to the head of the table.   
  
"Might as well get our books for class," Hermione said finishing her eggs. The day began well enough, but it went down hill at, what else, potions class. Snape had rid his desk of the colour, and with it went his rather kind new self, he was extremely furious at the Gryffindors. Even more than he usually was.  
  
"Longbottom! What do you get with the combination of phoenix tears, and dragon blood?" Snape snapped suddenly. Neville was taken by great surprise and fell off his seat with a plop spilling several supplies on to the floor around him.  
  
"You don't know? Reading on the lesson might help you learn something! Potter what does it make?" Snape hollered. At first Harry looked confused, but suddenly he heard Hermione mutter a control spell.  
  
"Uh...sir, it makes a control spell, with it you can control someone to such a great point that they can kill," Harry answered remembering the definition.  
  
"Well isn't that interesting, Ms. Granger isn't the only one with an answer today," Snape said in sarcastic amusement. By the time class came to an end he had taken away 57 points from Gryffindor, and awarded the Slytherins 25 points. Malfoy, who was quite pleased at the events, managed to spill several cauldrons getting many Gryffindors into detention. After Class Neville, Harry, Dean, Lavender, Ron, and Hermione stayed back to clean, much to Ron's dismay ( I cleaned yesterday! This is unfair!). Snape also assigned evening detentions, Dean and Lavender were to clean the trophy room, Ron and Hermione were to catch the Dusterbines in the lake, and Harry with Neville were to meet Snape.  
  
"One of these days I'll get him, how can he do this? Cleaning this and that every day," Ron mumbled in anger as he sat down for dinner, although he didn't eat anything.  
  
"It really can't be too bad, could it?" Harry asked in worry as he too pushed his plate away.  
  
"You two are really going to starve yourselves before hours of cleaning? That's not particularly smart, and think of it this way, at least we aren't in detention with Malfoy!" Hermione said trying to cheer up the atmosphere. Dinner came to an end and the six of them headed for their destinations.  
  
***  
"This water is freezing cold Hermione, and what are Dusterbines anyway?" Ron inquired as he surfaced from the lakes murky bottom.  
  
"They're small creatures with gray scales, and they're circular. By the way this water is really gross," Hermione said lowering herself into the water anyway. She saw Ron grabbing at what turned out to be a hinky0pink. Turning she saw the sand below, and a gray circle. She quickly dived deeper and grabbed the small creature. She then pushed up, but air did not come, looking down she saw he leg tangled in plants, and as she tried to move it a rock fell on her foot. Slowly she began to black out.  
  
"Hermione? Hermione where are you?!" Ron shouted in worry as he searched for Hermione. He dived under, yet he couldn't find Hermione. Just as he was thinking he'd never be able to find her he turned and passed through weeds bumping into something, or rather someone. Ron quickly grabbed the large rock and took it off her and rushed for shore.  
  
"Oh my- Hermione, damn Snape," Ron cursed lying Hermione on the ground. Ron then began C.P.R, repeatedly saying she'd be fine. As he was about to give Hermione air she awoke causing the two to lock in a kiss. At that same moment Snape and McGonagall engaged in a kiss. And although everyone tried to stop them from getting together they failed.  
  
******  
  
While eating Christmas dinner the trio discovered that the two were to marry the next day, this was reasonable considering that everyone but the three and the Weasleys had left.  
At the end they were happy. Now about Hermione and Ron, well...I quess we'll never know.  
  
end  
  
A/N: So what did you think. These thingies are pointless, the review system. Do you know why? Because no one is sane enough to review. But if you read this at least I will be happy. Gee I'll probably be happy if you just spit on it too. At least you're acknowledging it! LOL W*E you know the drill  
Peace Out  
  



	3. Percy's Date

A/N: Don't have nothing to say, um this is the coolest of cools. Don't hate me, I make Percy seem very, dense. Oops…should not have said that! Ha so funny, the story I mean really it is dare to read it it's about Percy, Penny, Han-, oh well I shouldn't say too much more.   
Disclaimer: NOTHING IS MINE! Hankis Pankis belongs to my dear, dear, dear cousin Sunny, whose stories you really should check out under Sunglow. Also, thanks to Kassidy, who was very nice to tell me I had to write this story or else she would hurt me, read her fics under Shining Moonlight, you'd probably like their stuff. (Okay I'll stop with the ads)  
  
Silver Ice is proud to bring you…  
For your Comic Relief  
Expandable Couch 3~Percy's Date  
  
"Ahh, at last, the Christmas holidays!" Harry exclaimed sitting in the comfiest armchair by the fire.  
  
"Relaxation at last," Ron added, his arm draped over Hermione's shoulders.  
  
"I think the two of you ought to start your reports, Snape want's 3 WHOLE rolls of parchment this time," Hermione said, she of course was working on hers, and was on the bottom of her sixth sheet.  
  
"Hermione, you just said 3 rolls of parchment, right?" Harry asked curiously.  
  
"I did, really, I only added some back round information I thought was important," she replied.  
  
"Some, I'd love to hear your definition for that word. Really though, 3 rolls of parchment? Who does Snape think we are, stupid git," Ron said sighing.  
  
"Who knows, but at least the Slytherins have to do 3 rolls too," Harry stated.  
  
"Actually-"  
  
"Don't even say it," Ron said cutting Hermione off. It grew silent, but suddenly the portrait was violently swung open, and Percy dashed in screaming like a little girl.  
  
"Percy. Shut up!" Fred said from the corner of the room.  
  
"I can't, she'll hurt me! Penny is coming to get me," he said trembling as he spoke her name.  
  
"Ah Percy, really, what's wrong with you child? She's going to be that only girl, and I mean ONLY girl, that will ever want your nuts," George snapped.  
  
"A monster, she is an evil monster," Percy continued. A knock was heard on the portrait, and Percy screamed shrilly.  
  
"Now tell me, which of you is the female in this relationship?" Fred asked looking at his brother in pity.  
  
"Man, you gotta listen to me! She's scary, she-she'll eat me," he said backing slowly to the staircase.  
  
"Percy dear, come out here, I miss you so much," Penelope hollered from outside, making Percy shudder in fear.  
  
"The passwords, 'Butter Goodness'," Lee Jordan shouted out. A minute later Penelope came into the common room smiling seductively at Percy.  
  
"Hel-hello Penny," Percy stuttered as he continued to back away from her.  
  
"Muffin, where do you think you're going?" She asked drawing even closer.  
  
Ron tilted his head to the exit, and everyone quickly left the common room. Ron, who was last out muttered a spell that made stairs impossible to climb and, 'Hankis Pankis', the portrait then closed. The Gryffindors all parted, and everyone went their separate ways. Percy began to grow more frightened, and squeaked loudly when he couldn't back up the stairs.  
  
"Percy, do you want me to catch you?" Penelope cooed.  
  
"NO! I mean, no, that's not at all necessary," Percy snapped as he began to back away in another direction, never once losing eye contact with Penelope. Soon he moved to the right, but where there was usually nothing but air, there now stood something large and fluffy. At first, Percy did not know what it was, but then it struck him.  
  
"What a pretty bed," Penelope said as Percy fell back onto it.   
  
"Don't hurt me Penny, I'm fragile," Percy begged saying the first thing that came into his head.  
  
"Oh Percy, you're so funny," Penelope laughed out.  
  
"You know me, so funny," Percy said as he shielded his eyes with his hands.  
  
"Percy…I really am starting to think there is something wrong with you," Penelope muttered looking at Percy 's covered face.  
  
"You want to eat me, you-you're going to hurt me," he stated slowly, as though unsure he wanted to say anything.  
  
"Not with you always hiding from me," Penelope exclaimed in outrage, she was becoming quite frustrated.  
  
Percy jumped up on the bed and hugged a pillow close to him whispering, "You really do want to hurt me."  
  
"I cannot believe you, tell me, are you sure you're 17?" Penelope shouted.   
  
"Don't yell at me! Of course I'm 17, why wouldn't I be," Percy questioned.  
  
"You're acting like a first year Percy, that's why," Penelope shook her head in annoyance.  
  
"I do not act like a first year! Besides, they aren't too different from seventh years," Percy concluded.  
  
Penelope began to breathe in anger, "There is an extreme difference! They are 11, we are 17 do you get my drift?"  
  
"Penny, what are you talking about?" Percy asked in confusion.  
  
"Percy, tell me the top 2 things you're going to do after Hogwarts," Penelope inquired.  
  
"Oh, let's see, I'll get myself a good job at the ministry of course! Then, well I don't know what, I would have to see," Percy said scratching his head in thought.  
  
"Please, tell me you are joking," Penelope said in a voice of hope that was false.  
  
"Umm…no, why would I be," Percy said, once again beginning to look confused.  
  
"I give up, I can't believe you!" Penelope screamed before she stomped out of the common room. Percy sighed in relief.  
  
Ron, Hermione, and Harry were in the hall when Penelope stalked by, and when she was out of sight, they dashed up to the common room. Percy was sitting on the edge of the 'bed' looking extremely confused.  
  
"Percy, what happened?" Ron asked afraid to hear the answer he knew was coming.  
  
Percy explained his confusion to his brother looking twice as bewildered when he finished.  
  
"You know what you need Percy?" Ron said smiling.  
  
Percy looked up, "What Ron, what do I need, tell me."  
  
Still smiling Ron slapped Percy on the back of his head, knocking him foreword onto the floor, "That."  
  
"Ron, that hurt! I'm telling mum on you," Percy whined.  
  
"Is Percy going to be a tattle tail? Are you going to live your life running to your mummy?" Ron taunted. Percy's eyes began to water up.  
  
"Ron, look what you've done! Now he's going to cry!" Hermione snapped patting Percy on the back.  
  
"Don't bother with sympathy. He'll think you're hurting him," Ron said rolling his eyes.  
The rest of the Weasleys had entered along with Lee, and Oliver, all of whom were laughing at Percy when they sat down.  
  
"Ron, what am I supposed to do now?" Percy asked, ignoring the mocking laughter.  
  
"You go after moron, can't you see she's mad about you?" Ron advised.  
  
"I know she's mad at me!" Percy cried out in exasperation.  
  
"No Percy, mad about you. Meaning she likes you, how can you be so blind!" Ron bellowed loudly. Percy had no inquires to this outburst.  
  
"Chill Ron," Harry muttered under his breath, Ron laughed his statement off though.   
  
Suddenly Percy stood up and dropped the pillow he was clutching to the floor. He straightened his robes and walked briskly out of the room, his head held high.  
  
"Took him long enough," Oliver said after the hole was once more closed.  
  
"Yeah, I don't know how that girl can stand him," Ginny added.  
  
"Pankis Hankis," Fred recited, saying the reversal spell for the couch.  
  
"Let's go to dinner, don't want to be here when he comes back," George suggested smartly, leading the way to the Great Hall.  
  
******  
  
Meanwhile, Percy was wondering aimless through the halls contemplating what Ron had told, or rather drilled, into him. He still felt she wanted to hurt him, but knew that everyone around him was right.   
  
Within 10 minutes, he had reached his destination, the large flowing tapestry on the 5th floor. It had snowflakes, hearts, shooting stars, and suns sewn into it, this was the Ravenclaw entrance. Percy was drawn into thought trying to remember the password Penelope had told him. He remembered suddenly when he glanced at a portrait of the 1st broomstick made.  
  
"Golden Ball," Percy said as the tapestry blew upward, he entered through the opening and as he did the tapestry closed shut behind him.   
  
Percy starred in awe at the room he stood in. The walls were painted the lightest of blue, and on the tall ceiling, crystal chandeliers hung. The furniture was blue with designs similar to those on the tapestry, except they were in silver. The carpet was a navy shade of blue, everything looked amazing.  
  
Penelope sat curled up by the fire, so he cleared his throat, "Penny, dear, can we talk for a moment?"  
  
Although he said it silently Penelope had heard, she jumped up in alarm, and swung around, "Percy! How did you get in here."  
  
"You told me the password Penny, remember," Percy reminded.  
  
"Oh, yeah, I forgot," Penelope said sliding down into a chair.   
  
"Look, I came to apologize to you, I didn't think you cared about me…," Percy explained bowing his head, feeling quite stupid.  
  
"How-where did you ever get a crazy idea like that!?" Penelope inquired.  
  
"Well, I-I don't know, I just thought that's how it was," Percy staggered out.  
  
"Oh Percy, you amuse me. You should know by now how much I like you, I'm your girl," Penelope said standing up and moving closer to Percy.   
  
They gazed into each other's eyes and looked in a kiss. After they broke apart Percy gasped, "Penny, you must have dropped your earring in my common room, let's go get it!" Penelope threw her hands to her ears and found her left earring was indeed missing.  
  
Dinner was still in progress, so the halls were remotely empty. They soon, once again, stood at the portrait of the Fat Lady, "Password dears?"  
  
"Butter Goodness," Penelope said before Percy could speak. The two entered the empty common room hand-in-hand.  
  
"Hankis Pankis," Percy mumbled quietly. Penelope giggled loudly and Percy grinned madly as the portrait swung securely into place.  
  
  
  
A/N:   
  
Hey's I love that fact that no one reviewed my second chapter! Thanks so much, I know, I loved it so much too, it really was awesome wasn't it.   
  
What is that you say…no one reviewed it! My I did not even know that!   
  
Do you think anyone will review this one?   
  
Ahh no, perhaps they were going to, if they read it, but you're a/n freaked them all out of their minds, oh well. Oops, I almost forgot…  
  
…And that's what really happened. 


	4. Hagrid and Olyme: The death of the Expan...

A/N: Hey you cracked out people, what is up? Well, this is really a…strange…story! It's about Hagrid, Olympe, the Expandable Couch, and more.   
  
Disclaimer: Ah, this thingy. Well, thank you to my cuz, who is kick butt awesome, and helped me when I was stumped. Check out her fics under Ecstasy Brat. Characters are JKR's and the 'expandable couch'…well that's a scary story.  
  
The Death of the Expandable Couch ~ Hagrid and Olympe   
By: Silver Ice  
  
The Hogwarts students were swinging about wildly as the upbeat music played. Hogwarts was holding it's first Halloween dance, and nearly the entire school was on the dance floor. Not only that, but everyone had taken the idea of dressing up the Muggle way.  
  
"I can't believe that's Dumbledore, he looks like some drunk biker," Hermione said quietly to Harry and Ron as Dumbledore passed them, screaming, 'has anyone seen my Harley?' He was wearing a leather jacket, and dark sunglasses. He'd tied back his hair, and had on leather boots as well as skin tight black pants.  
  
All three shuttered, however, they weren't dressed normally either. Ron was dressed as an oversized clown, Harry as a duck, and Hermione as a princess.   
  
As they headed for the punch table they saw Madame Maxine, who had come to stay for the remainder of the year. She sat on nearly three chairs, and was wearing a Tinker Bell outfit, which Hermione had pointed out. As they finished their drinks, Ron and Hermione began to dance, leaving Harry all alone.   
  
While he watched, he heard sniffling from outside. Harry stepped out into the windy night, and saw a looming figure on the near by bench. He knew immediately it was Hagrid, "Er, Hagrid, is something upsetting you?"   
  
Startled, Hagrid jumped up, but sat back down as he saw Harry. Harry however , couldn't get rid of the shock of seeing Hagrid's outfit. He was wearing an Indian Headdress, with oddly placed feathers, tight tan pants with beads, and two purple paw prints on his hairy, bare chest.   
  
"Yah Harry, it's me and Olympe that's on me mind. She's bin' actin' so strangely," Hagrid muttered sadly.  
  
"Come on Hagrid, you're only thinking that, I'm sure she's obsessed with you," Harry said comfortingly as he sat down.  
  
"Do ya really think so?" Hagrid asked, lifting his head.  
  
"Would I be telling you this if I didn't?" Harry replied.  
  
"Yer right, thanks 'Arry." Hagrid stood up, smiled, and entered Hogwarts.  
  
"Right," Harry stated to himself as he followed Hagrid, and entered the Great Hall. He again took a sat at the punch table. Hagrid was weaving through the crowds to Olympe.   
  
Harry was distracted suddenly by a shout.   
  
"What are you doing sitting? Get out on the dance floor!" Ron exclaimed pushing his red clown nose up. Hermione was clutching on to his ruffled arm as they moved to the fast paced tempo. Harry sighed and then disappeared into the crowds.  
  
******  
  
"Olympe, I've bin' meanin' to talk to ya," Hagrid boomed as he reached Olympe.  
  
"Oh, and about what?" She asked unconsciously fixing her hair.  
  
"Well, I was wonderin' if you was mad at me," Hagrid said, taking a seat.  
  
"Me? Why, I thought you were mad at me. How could you 'ave thought I could be angry at you?" Olympe exclaimed, turning to look at Hagrid.  
  
"I could never be angry at you!" Hagrid stated, growing happy.  
  
"My, you look 'andsome today," Olympe said smiling.  
  
"Yer look charmin' too, like a fairy," Hagrid replied joyously.  
  
Olympe yawned, "Perhaps we should go for a walk, tour the school."  
  
Hagrid nodded ardently, "Let's go."  
  
The two stood, made their way through the crowd, and into the hallways of the school. After walking about for a while, they reached the Gryffindor Dormitories. Hagrid muttered the password, and the portrait let them in, quickly closing shut afterwards.  
  
******  
  
"Harry, you really should have some more punch, it's simply superb!" Ron exclaimed.  
  
"It's not that great Ron, I think you may need to lye down a bit," Seamus said as Ron swaggered.   
  
"Hermione, you didn't drink any punch, did you?" Harry asked wonderingly.  
  
"Only three glasses," Hermione said holding up two fingers.  
  
"I knew it, someone laced the punch!" Dean exclaimed.  
  
"What? There's no lace on the punch, if you'd like to have some I'll give it to you though," Ron said, holding up his frilly sleeve.  
  
"Where's Fred and George, I bet you they did it," Harry said laughingly.  
  
"Everyone, drink the punch!" Ron hollered drunkenly.  
  
"Well, all right, I'll have some," Professor McGonagall said, drinking a glass, and then asking for another.  
  
Everyone snickered as she drank. After her second cup, she hiccuped, picked up another, and walked away.  
  
"Ha, the day that women gets drunk, never would have expected that one," Seamus said in astonishment.   
  
"Guess what?" Hermione inquired suddenly.  
  
"What?" Everyone replied.  
  
"What?" Hermione said, giving everyone a weird glance.  
  
"Ha, that's a good one Hermione," Ron said bobbing his head.  
  
"Wasn't it!" Hermione exclaimed in elation.  
  
"They must be really messed up," Lavender whispered to Parvati.  
  
"Hmm…that punch does look good," Parvati alleged, changing the subject.  
  
She glanced at Lavender, and without a second thought, they grabbed the fullest glasses, and gulped down.  
  
"Yum, yum, yum, this is really good punch," Dumbledore said passing by again. Harry slapped his forehead as everyone began to drink the punch.  
  
"What's a matta' Harry? I told you the punch was good, don't you believe me?" Ron questioned.  
  
"Oh, I believe you, it looks very good," Harry said in agreement.   
  
"You're a liar! You're lying to me," Hermione shouted before she led Ron away.  
  
Harry scratched his left temple with his right hand, and finally decided that it was going to be a long night.  
  
******  
  
"This is a nice room, much nicer then any I've seen before," Olympe said as they walked around the common room.   
  
"It's the greatest common room in this school, that's for sure," Hagrid replied, straitening a book.  
  
"What is this for? All this extra room I mean," Olympe said, referring to the extra space around the couch.   
  
"Ah, it's expandable," Hagrid replied.  
  
"It is? Can you do expand it?" Olympe asked curiously.  
  
"Of course, with a wand, here, I can use this," Hagrid said, picking up a wand from a pile of papers.  
  
"Do show me," Olympe cooed.  
  
"Hankis Pankis," Hagrid bellowed. At first, nothing happened, but the couch suddenly began to move, and in an instant was a bed.  
  
Olympe sat down, followed by Hagrid. The two sat in silence for a moment, and then drew in for a kiss. They kissed, and then looked into each other's eyes. Just as they began to lean in there was a loud creaking sound.   
  
"What's that!" Olympe asked.  
  
"I…I think it's the couch, I think it's breakin'," Hagrid assumed, as the noise grew steadily louder.  
  
It stopped suddenly, and the two finally thought there was no problem. Then the unexpected happened. The Expandable Couch creaked one last creak before crumbling to the ground.  
  
"Oops," Hagrid and Olympe said at the same time. They dashed out of the room, and out the entrance before anyone could see them.  
  
"That was a close one, let's stay at my place from now on," Olympe said as they headed for her carriage.  
  
******  
  
"I have 11 fingers!" Ron hollered loudly.  
  
"No way, I have 4," Parvati shouted back.  
  
"Hey, I have 270billion," Hermione said happily.   
  
"You guys, what's that noise?" Harry questioned. It was coming from outside, and it was ear deafening. Everyone dashed outside to see what was happening. At first, they heard nothing, but then there was a loud voice to the left.  
  
"Live to ride, ride to live," Dumbledore shouted, speeding away on his Harley Davidson. McGonagall was on the back, shouting wildly as they drove away.   
  
"Man, this is such a confusing morning," Hermione said in a daze.  
  
"Hermione, it's still night," Harry said heading back to the school, and groggily up the stairs. Harry said the password, then all the Gryffindors entered the common room.  
  
"An impostor has been here! What will we do," Lavender shrieked.  
  
"I know, why don't we sleep," Harry mentioned.  
  
"The couch, it's dead, someone killed it, it's gone forever!" Hermione shouted as she silently began to cry.  
  
"It's okay, I'll fix it. Look, all it needs is a little paint," Ron said.   
  
"Okay, let's go to sleep now," Hermione suggested, leading the way to the dorms.   
  
No one paid any attention to the destroyed couch that night, but in the morning, everyone was shocked, and saddened by their loss. Even thought Gryffindor would ever remember that evening, everyone would remember The death of the Expandable Couch.  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay that was great! Thank you toEcstasy Brat, who let me use her "Guess what, what, what" thing! Well, do you all love this chapter? Sorry for the whole OOC but, yeah, well, yeah. So you can review and you can flame and it can be signed, or anonymous too. Or you could just read this and then not review, or flame. I doubt anyone's willing to do that…right!?  
  
A/N2: Oh, this is the last one guys, the Expandable couch, is dead!!!!! I know, it's all very sad. I know you can go on though, be brave! 


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